When working with couples I generally have 7 goals for therapy. These goals provide a practical and flexible outline for treatment while providing helpful categories to think through the relationship. Movement from Chaos to Stability – This is my first goal when working with any couple. If you don’t (or can’t) stabilize the “here and […]
My philosophy of pre-marital counseling has shifted quite a bit lately. I used to think of it as short-term process designed to help couples prepare for married life. We would tackle the typical issues of money, sex, in-laws, etc… but it started to feel a little bit like checking off the boxes. I’ve come to believe that nothing […]
The Gottman Institute asked me for a “practitioner’s perspective” on the impact of technology and relationships. Read the full article here: Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Digital Age: A Practitioners Perspective.
It cannot be overstated how destructive the four horsemen can be to your relationship. Here is a great summary from the Gottman Relationship Blog. If you want to get serious about your relationship, bookmark this blog. For now, read up on The Four Horsemen: Recognizing Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
I LOVE this perspective from Care2. Healthy marriages can only be created by healthy individuals. Read more about how Managing Marriage Stress Starts with Self and take good care of you.
Can you locate yourself in the midst of the Pursuer-Distancer pattern? Terry Gaspard’s commentary suggests an all too common scenario for couples. Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW: How The Pursuer-Distancer Pattern Can Destroy Your Marriage.
There is probably not much more devastating to a relationship than an affair, no matter how big or small. It naturally begs the question, “Can your marriage survive an affair?” When the unbreakable contract is broken, both spouses are have to grapple with the debris. The betrayed partner begins asking “Who is this person I […]
Divorce is painful. It’s tragic, messy and often humiliating. And, sometimes, it’s necessary. It may even be good. Louis C.K., currently the world’s most famous comedian, has semi-famously said: Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. I’m inclined […]
If I ever compose a book on marriage, I could conceivably concentrate every chapter on a different word commencing with C. Remember that one time Sesame Street was sponsored by a letter? Marriage is kind-of like Sesame Street. Maybe I could name my book Marriage: Brought To You Buy The Letter C. Maybe not. I’ll figure that out when the […]
Believe the best. This might be the best marriage advice we ever received. The couple that did our pre-marital counseling gave us this little nugget and even suggested that we abbreviate it to “BTB” and use it as our secret code when things got rough. It’s terribly trite, but it’s worked for us. If not the […]